The Zen of the Toilet Seat

buddha-on-the-toilet-003I don’t know if women have this problem, but for a guy there are few more annoying things than this: rushing into a public toilet, sphincter squeezed tight to avoid crapping pants, pushing open the cubicle door, hands on your belt ready to unbutton your fly, ready to shove down your jeans, turn, sit and shit all in one smooth motion. And there on the toilet seat are the generous yellow splatters of the guy before you. Gross.

Do women get a similar feeling when they discover that the last guy to use their toilet has left the seat up? Shock horror! She has to put the toilet seat down!

I’ve been pretty lucky. The majority of women I’ve lived with haven’t been toilet-seat Nazis, but I have had one or two flat mates who have asserted quite strongly that I lift the seat after I’m done.

I don’t get it. If the man in the house is spraying gold onto the porcelain rim, instruct him to use some toilet paper to remove the offending droplets. That’s not unreasonable – it looks better and keeps the toilet clean. But what rationale is there for having the toilet seat down all the time?

shanghai-coupleAn argument may go that men should put the seat down to be more considerate towards the women they live with. Rubbish. By that logic, women should lift the toilet seat after they’ve finished, which would be considerate towards me, so I wouldn’t have to lift the seat every time I go to the toilet.

Does lifting the toilet seat both me? Shit no. Who cares? If it’s down, lift it up, if it’s up, piss away! I can’t understand why any rational woman would think it’s fair to expect the toilet to be eternally preserved in a position suitable for them.

Maybe the toilet seat is one of the fronts in the Eternal War between Mars and Venus – the woman asserting her stereotyped right to be irratibuddha-on-the-toilet-009onal and demanding, the man his own to be unhygienic and irresponsible, both offended at having to make the slightest effort when there’s a chance someone else might do it for them.

But if we think about the issue properly, it isn’t fair to leave the toilet seat either up or down. Sometimes the woman will have to put it down, yes, the man will sometimes too. Other times he’ll have to lift it up. Over time, either the man or the woman will have to exert more effort than the other, building resentment and fuel for the War. And there’s only one solution, as I see it, besides having separate toilets, only one way to end this battle once and for all.

Leave the toilet lid down all the time. Simple really. Then everyone has to make an effort each occasion they use the facilities, each poo or pee would involve a lift of some degree. A nice easy way to balance the toilet seat karma in your household.

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4 thoughts on “The Zen of the Toilet Seat”

  1. well. I have strong opinions on this one. (What a surprise!)
    I think it is bad feng shui to have the lid up, I have to say. If you keep it down, it also makes it equal that everytime someone has to lift something, but especially- I think it’s bad feng shui to leave your toilet open. Especially when the toilet is in the bathroom and not in its own enclosed space. If I go in to the bathroom to do make up, I want happy time, not pee time. Lol.
    Errr… are you still coming to visit me soon, even after that rant?! 😉

  2. I rather prefer the lid down, you can have accidents, like throwing the lipstick, new toilet paper, hair dryer, money, elastic bands, glasses, etc.
    Yes, I have to say all this accidents happened to me, and a few more. So terrible! isn’t it?

  3. Does the man ever put the seat down? I have heard these rumours about men using the seat for certain actions, and quite frankly I find them hard to believe. Indeed my very definition of a man is one who does not use fake rolex the toilet seat under any duress.

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