Me love it long time

If you’ve been driving around Australia or New Zealand recently, you might have noticed the massive billboards saying “Do You Want Longer Lasing Sex.” Unsurprisingly, these have attracted about 200 complaints in Australia, and 38 in New Zealand (they’re very precise across the Tasman). A Tongan Community Leader in NZ said that last Sunday the billboards were the the subject of “at least five Tongan church sermons”.

I’d like to think that the Ministers were up there saying, “So fellas, it doesn’t last too long, huh? I guess I’m not missing out on anything,” but I’ve got a feeling it was more along the lines of ‘sex is private’, ‘Jesus didn’t do it’ and ‘filthy pollution of our children’s minds.’ You can see the logic in that, can’t you:

Oh my God, that’s the word SEX! If children see that they’re going to want to go and do it. And then of course the girls’ll fall pregnant and the boys will get into hard drugs. Then they’ll go to hell. Quick, take that word down: it’s making me want to have longer lasting sex right now too – save me from hell Jee-bus!

Perfectly logical. I’m with them 100%. Especially because the Pope’s coming to Sydney and there’s a good chance he’s going to absolve them of all “punishment for sins already forgiven” (I think God does the forgiving bit). Quick kids, start shagging now – God forgives you straight away and the Pope’ll give the big thumbs up too. But no condoms…

Enough wisecracks for a moment, here’s my two cents: number one, I can’t believe anyone would complain about three big letters when kids can see this all over train stations, buses and magazines:


Do you think he waxes?

Number two, keep the signs. Jack Vaisman from AMI (Advanced Medical Institute), who paid for them, says that the billboards have prompted “1000 calls a day from men seeking help with erectile dysfunction.”

I’m going to put my hand up here and say that I haven’t always been impressed with my own performance in regards to stamina in the sexual intercourse department. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I’m dysfunctional, but it’s caused me stress on some occassions (the receding hairline is hereditary though). I always figure that if I could stay in a relationship long enough, it’d all sort itself out. Maybe not though.

It appears that the whole issue’s a bit more complicated than just a lack of focus or concentration. AMI offer the traditional counselling services, but they also offer the much more exciting option of a nasal spray. Click here to see how it works. The graphics are pretty funny.

At the end of the day, men shouldn’t have to be embarrassed if they’ve got a little disfunction going on. I’m no chemist, but I’d guess that when you mix embarrassment with stoic masculinty, the results lean more towards passive aggression than honest communication. So the more people talk and do something about premature ejaculation and erectile disfunction the quicker everyone’s going to be having better sex.

If you need me to tell you why that’s a good thing, go and ask your Minister.

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2 thoughts on “Me love it long time”

  1. I’m pretty sure men who last for a short time are the normal ones, and the longer lasting are dysfunctional. No one wants to be caught by a sabre tooth tiger with their pants down, the faster you impregnate someone, the better. Lasting a really long time is one step away from total impotence.

  2. That’s assuming that the only purpose of sex is procreation. I didn’t know you were a closet Catholic, Phauna. Are you spitting chips you won’t be in Sydney for World Youth Day?

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